Our life course

I was chatting with an old friend recently. They asked a question that many of us ask ourselves at some point in life. If I could go back and change the course of my life would I? I have thought about that throughout my life. But, each time, I have answered no.

Yes, there are things I wish could have been different. Don't get me wrong on that. First and foremost, we wouldn't have lost Austin!! No one would choose to go through that pain.
Yes, I have made mistakes I wish I could undo. Who hasn't?

I've thought about the crossroads in my life. You know the ones, where you made a choice that you may wish you hadn't, what would your life have been if you had chosen differently. But I always come back to where I am now.

I believe in and love God. I love my family. I believe God has a plan for each of us. We may live our entire lives never knowing what His plan was, but it happened. It happened when He decided, however He chose.

That isn't saying that I believe God makes us suffer through illness or accidents. God loves us, but He gave us the right to chose for ourselves. We share this planet with millions. So, of course, we suffer when others make choices also.

The child that decides to take a gun to school. The drunk that gets behind the wheel of a car. Someone elses choice can affect our life along with theirs.

But when you talk of your life, choices such as who we married, those are the choices I mean I wouldn't change. I wish my first marriage hadn't been abusive, but I have two beautiful daughters from that union. Therefore I wouldn't change a thing. To change who I married then would have changed who my children are now.

One change, one tiny thing, could take my family out of my life. Oh, I realize that I could have had a family with someone else. Might have had a much easier life for myself. But, it wouldn't be the family I have now. Thats the family I love, the ones that brighten my days, worry to my nights, love to my soul.

This is the family I know and love. I wouldn't change a thing. All the tears, the pain, the laughter, the love.....that is a family. We share those things together. We support, we fight, we forgive. We share things, we hide things, we wish.

I wish Heather hadn't felt the pain of losing Austin. I wish Wendy hadn't had the pain of two bad marriages, a year without her girls, the pain of Larry staying with his dad. I wish Ravens marriage had been a good one. But I wouldn't change a thing. I wish I could carry their pain for them, I gladly would, but that would change them too.

I know they feel like I do, they have their children....they wouldn't change that just to stop pain. Our choices got us here, now. If we had made different choices we would be different people. That doesn't mean we would be better people, happier, healthier, better off.

If I hadn't met Carl, Heather probably would never have met Tim. Raven would never have been born. Wendy would have walked a different path too.
No, I am where I should be. This is my life. The good along with the bad. But its mine, no one elses.

When we are young we never realize ONE choice can affect SO many people!! A life could literally take a million different courses, all we will ever know for sure is the one we took. Yes, I could have lived a different life.....but I think I'll just keep the one I have, it's been a good one!