I'll Never Learn

I'll be 53 years old this July. You'd think in all those years I would have learned to keep my mouth shut. But no, not me. I love too deeply, always forgive those I love regardless of what they do or say. That I refuse to change. But, I do wish I'd learn to control my temper and shut my mouth.

I have paid very high prices through the years by not learning to keep my mouth shut. I have now paid the highest price yet I guess. I do wish I could take back the words I said, but it's too late, I said them. Now I will have to learn to live with what I caused to happen.

Through EVERY thing I have EVER gone through, I have NEVER stopped loving ANY member of my family. I won't start now either. There is NO force that can make me do that. I am no stranger to the pain of losing someone I love, but I won't stop loving them in return.

I can, and have, forgiven any and all words that have been said to me that have caused me pain. That's what love is all about. Just like that new song Tina asked me about the other day, "Love Don't Run". Guess that will be my new theme song.

Of course God is foremost on my list of loved ones. Then comes my family. My husband, my three daughters, my seven grandchildren, my son-in-law. Then comes other family and friends. I have tried to be there whenever any of them needed me.

I have loaned money, knowing I'd never get it back. I have cleaned houses for some of my family, ran errands, babysat, took places, tried to protect. I have bent over backwards. I don't regret any of it.

But, maybe, at times I have done too much. I have been neglected and ignored, used and walked over. That's okay though, I still love them one and all, and I always will. It is my fault that I have done it all, but I would probably do it again if I had it to do over. "Love don't run, love don't hide".

I am sorry for the way some things have turned out. Especially today. But I can't turn back time. Right now I really like that song by Cher..."If I Could Turn Back Time, If I Could Find A Way, I'd Take Back The Words That Hurt You". But I can't.