Meaning of life?

Do we ever REALLY know why we are here? Will we ever find out the reason we are here? Some days I'm fine not knowing, most days actually. Other days it just seems so hard to even get out of the bed.

I'm sure menopause has a lot to do with it, though how long does it take to go through menopause, it's been almost 4 yrs! Depression, feeling worthless or useless, the total sadness. My age doesn't bother me, the one sure fact of life is when you are born you will die someday. Age doesn't matter.

That I suppose is part of it. MY age doesn't bother me, losing Austin, my first born grandchild, at such a young age,14, does. It messed with what I consider the order of life. I was supposed to go before him, so were his parents, but it didn't work that way.

I know he is in a better place, but some days it doesn't help to know that. I know he would rather be in Heaven than here, who wouldn't?? But we all miss him so much!!

Why do some of us live a long life and others don't? The song "Only the good die young" comes to mind when I think of Austin. But, there are "good" people that live long lives. Some of them have hard deaths, what's fair about that? At least Austin didn't suffer. I am eternally grateful for that!!

Losing him didn't "test my faith", I know God exists. He has always been and will always be. He didn't "take" Austin to hurt us. If He took him it was because He needed him, Austins work here was done, or to keep him from suffering later. Could be all 3 for that matter.

I have had a few close calls with death, but yet I still live. Does that mean I haven't "done" what I'm here for? Do some of us have more to do than others? Or do we have to prove our worth before we can go Home?

I doubt that I will ever find the answers to these questions in this lifetime. But, maybe, I will after my death. If I am one of the chosen to go to Heaven. I pray for my husband, children, grandchildren, and son-in-law everyday. I pray they are chosen.
They are ALL good people!! They have all had a lot to deal with in this life, and deserve an everlasting life of goodness and love. At least, that's my opinion. But I don't make that decision, hence my daily prayers.