Poem for Austin

God, please help my family to mend
Don't let us break, but teach us to bend.
It has been a year of pain today,
A year since part of our hearts were ripped away.
365 days we have tried to cope,
To end the pain there is no hope.
We are left with the rest of our years,
To drown in, to try, to hide our tears.
Now oneday runs into another,
We hurt so much for father, mother, and younger brother.
14 short years we had our boy,
14 years he gave us laughter and joy.
His younger cousins looked up to him so,
I wish he was here to watch them grow.
We each go on the best we can,
One and all we miss our young man.
Oh what we'd give to see hs smiling face,
Just one more time feel his loving embrace.
We know he is watching from Heaven above,
I know he sends us his undying love.
I'll go to his graveside sometime today,
I go there alot and I sit and I pray.
Today I'll ask the Lord to show me a way,
To help his family, to know what to say.
My Son-in-law, grandson, and daughter I love,
Lord give us some guidance, some help from above.
Give us strength until our lives are through,
Teach us to give all of our pain to You.
It has been a year of pain today,
God our Father please ease it some way.

Unhappy Holidays

Christmas Eve we took my husband, Carl, to the ER because he was acting himself. He wasn't making sense when he talked, just didn't look right either. His BP was 196/116. We told them we thought he had had a small stroke, they told us we were wrong--it was just his BP. They got it down---a little, and sent him home with BP medicine.

Christmas Day he wasn't any better, but carried on for the grandchildren. The whole weekend went this way. We went to Sams Club and I had him buy a BP monitor. His BP was still way up even on medicine. Took him to the doctor and they changed his medicine, they didn't think he'd had a stroke either. His motor skills were just fine, no "drawing" of his face on one side or any such.

New Years Eve, our anniversary, I took him to another doctor. She wasn't sure about a stroke but knew it was more than just BP, told me to take him back to the ER. Thank God there was a different doctor there this time!! He said just because Carl's motor skills weren't affected did NOT mean he had not had a stroke. Said SOMETHING was making his BP stay sky high. They did a CAT scan and found the area of his brain where the stroke happened. Admitted him to the hospital that night. Did blood work and found his sodium was WAY low. Put him on an IV for that. They did two lung x-rays, a MRI confirmed the stroke. They did an ultrasound of his heart, there wasn't any heart damage--Thank God! They checked his carotid arteries in his neck, but never told me what that found. I have to remember to ask that and WHAT caused the stroke in the first place--they never said. They did blood work EVERY morning--which was five. He went in on Thursday night and got out the following Tuesday afternoon. Never did see a doctor Monday or Tuesday. But they had his BP down and his sodium normal.

He has to have occupational and speech therapy. It messed with his memory badly. He can't tell you his birthday, or name several family members. To look at him he looks normal. He acts normally---until you ask him a question, or try to have a conversation with him. He HATES it, wants to go back to work. Thank Goodness he was laid off.

I don't know how long it will be before he is back to normal, if ever. They said his memory may come back--or he may have to relearn what he can't remember.

We lost my oldest grandchild two days after Thanksgiving 2008. I still can't cope with that. Now this in 2009. Scares me to think what may happen before the end of this new year.